Brooks

Mr. Brooks and I are learning each other. He is advancing into a new world of language and communication. Much of this includes the most piercing screaming you'd ever hear; I swear he makes my eardrums bleed. He is my smallest proportionately but has the personality to make up for it. He is nobody's puppet. Brooks is adjusting a bit with having a new baby around and while he is giving me a run for my money he is always my most polite. He always says thank you - even between each bite of food you help him with. He likes to play and he loves to sing. His favorite song is one that my Grandpa Gabrielsen taught me. Horsey Horsey. You would be amazed at my repertoire of children's songs. I am pretty sure I can't be beat.

Brooks is currently potty training. He is the one pushing it - since he is still pretty young, I will let him go as often as he is interested but won't force the issue for quite a while. (Don't mind the graphic picture; its the only one we have:)

 Keeping Brooks in his high chair is a feat. I still can't keep him planted for the duration of a meal.

Drake

My little Drake is full of life. He is hilarious to say the least. He always has a twinkle in his eye and a bounce in his step. If music turns on, you can be sure Drake will be shakin' his bum for all he's worth. It has been fun bonding with him as my little helper now that Carson is at school every day all day. Drake likes to help and is very, very tender with Bowen. He is most certainly my biggest baby lover.

 Drake's job while making 'Carson stew' was to snap the big green beans into smaller pieces and put them in. He took his job very seriously.

 This boy aint afraid of nobody! While Carson liked playing football, Drake LOOOOVED it. The big brothers on Carson's football team would play with each other during each of the games. Drake would put some flags on, elbow his way into the huddle, and throw down with the biggest and baddest of them all. I should mention what sweet boys these older brothers were. They would ALWAYS let him play and even let him think he was the biggest, fastest and strongest.

 Drake is always lookin' for a party. It was spirit week at Carson's school and Drake made sure to dress up every day as well. Here they are on 'mismatch day'.

Carson

This fall big things have happened to Carson. In addition to starting kindergarten, he lost his first tooth the beginning of October and played on his first football team. He even scored two touchdowns! He continues to amaze me every day. Carson is brilliant, responsible, handsome, kind, and conscientious.

 Carson was selected as the first star of the week in his class. This included taking care of a dragon named Dip.

 On a recent fieldtrip, Carson went to a farm and harvested a whole lot of crops. His spoils included cabbage, potatoes, onions, carrots, corn, and a pumpkin. He and Drake helped me make a delicious stew we dubbed 'Carson's crockpot crop stew' - or just 'Carson stew'.

Just a cute picture of Carson and Drake after an afternoon romp in the sprinklers. I wasn't sure where to add this in but couldn't leave it out!

Abnormal EKG

I just got back from the doctor. In case you can't tell from the title, it wasn't a great visit. I have been dizzy lately. Not just your average dizzy, and not vertigo since I have quite a bit of experience with that. I am also really fatigued, sleep a lot more than normal and am still beat, have a really low heart rate (like 36.  60 is as high as I am getting), can't focus (not distracted - literally can't seem to bring things into focus), and have a headache. All the time.
I have already been to the eye doctor to rule that out. I am not going blind...yet.
After getting fed up with they way that I feel, I called the doc this morning. In the appointment just now she was a bit perplexed and said, "you are not whiny person/patient. I think we should do an EKG because you if you say something is that off; it probably is". I felt grateful she was taking me that seriously, but freaked out at the same time.
I had 4 EKGs; they all came back abnormal. Scary. I know heart issues can range from very minor to...well, you know.
I will now go to a cardiologist and be monitored for 24 hours (I can take the monitor home). Time to figure out what is wrong. I am trying so hard not the think of the worst. All I want to do is take care of my four beautiful babies who depend so much on me. Extreme, I know. Ultimately, all is well though. I will update when I know what is wrong, but in the mean time just send a few prayers my way if you would please!

I guess I have reached my max

I thought three kids was a lot to handle. Turns out that for me,  four is the number that might kill me. I can't even take a full breath. Really, I shouldn't be sitting down to write this, there is sooooo much I need to get done, but I need therapy and for me, writing is just that.
So on to my stories:
Yesterday I was trying desperately to get a screaming baby down for a nap. It wasn't happening he was putting up the biggest fight yet. In between sessions of going into his room to try and calm him into sleep yet again I see Drake kind of meandering around downstairs. I asked him what was up to which he replied, "oh, just checking on Carson in the bathroom."
Coming from Drake, this could mean any number of things but I thought I should look into it. There Carson stood, looking in the mirror blotting a gushing wound with a wad of toilet paper. "Are you ok??" I questioned while assessing the situation.
"Yeah I'm fine."
I wasn't so sure. Just the day before Carson had smashed his finger outside between a stick and the pavement. He came inside to clean it up an ended up fainting on the kitchen floor.
"Well, lets get you taken care of," I urged.
I was overly "helpful" as I took Carson to the kitchen to clean he and the wound and get it dressed and bandaged. In the middle of it all the doorbell rings.
There stood my neighbor and her granddaughter. "Uh, Drake is stuck in a tree out back yelling for help. You might want to go get him."
I had no clue he was outside. If I had, I would have been listening through the screen door. As it was I was busy scrutinizing Carson for any signs of passing out.
I quickly rushed out back to see Drake stranded in our lilac bush holding a bucket of sand. The second I took it from him he shimmied out of the tree. It was like a monkey trap.
Meanwhile, Bowen is still screaming.
Fail number 437,912 - 3, and 4

Today, I was prepping potatoes for baking. I wanted them extra clean - I REALLY don't like getting a bit of grit on my otherwise delicious baked potato. Apparently I also wanted them to be extremely ventilated, otherwise I wouldn't have been stabbing them to death with so much vigor. In all my gusto I managed to put a fork into my left thumb.
It hurt a lot, but was really make my stomach church was that when I jerked away, the potato, fork and my thumb were all still stuck together.
I cleaned and dressed the wound as well as I could and hastily moved on.
It was later at dinner that I realized with all of the throbbing and swelling that I had actually stabbed clear the the fatty part of my thumb to the other side.
Yes, I am very sleep deprived.
Fail number 437,915

Its a good thing my husband is so stinking awesome. Not to mention my sweet little kiddos. Somehow I think we will all make it through this :).

(I guess I should mention that part of what is making life c.r.a.z.y right now is that on top of major adjustments with another baby, school, and life in general. Dave has started his MBA and was just called to be the Stake Executive Secretary. I thought we were busy with just the 3 boys...turns out I was very, very wrong :).

Carson Starts Kindergarten

 Excited as could be! He woke up bright and early to prove it!

 In the car, on the way. My mom was in town to help with brand new baby so both Dave and I got to take him :)

 With his teacher - she is great!

 Carson is the tallest in his class. I was the same way until about 9th grade.

Carson did great, with no reservations. But I was that mom. I held it together until he was out of sight, and then I burst into tears and couldn't control myself for about an hour. I love my Carson!

Part 3 - The Finale

..."you know you can do this", Dave said to me. "Are you really sure you want and epidural because its not what you do." (Can I just say; this man knows me well).
"I don't want to do this; its just so...hard" I told him over and over again. This conversation lasted much longer than I anticipated thanks to being essentially ignored by the hospital staff. The longer the wait, the firmer my resolve to get an epidural. I was tired. I hurt. I knew I could push that baby out even with no feeling.
After what felt like an eternity someone showed up again. "Can I get in the water now?!" I asked again and was denied again - can't even remember why at this point.
"Well, can I get an epidural now?" I had figured they would jump all over that since that kinda seems to be the case with most labors anymore.
"Uh, I don't think you have time." The nurse said. "You have to get two bags of fluids, get a blood draw and get the lab results back which takes 20 minutes."
(Back to previous labors again - With Drake I got stuck at an 8 for two hours. I became exhausted and asked for an epidural. The doctor said ok and sent for the anesthesiologist who came into the room as I started to push. I didn't end up getting an epidural with Drake either, but I didn't get any fluids, nor did I have blood drawn. What is up with Colorado?? Utah and Idaho seemed to be a lot simpler.)
With her response I allowed my inner beast out of its cage - knowing it would take a little more grit to get through it all than I was currently displaying. Game on.
"I really want to get in the water," I begged again, "please let me get in the water as soon as possible."
I have already forgotten a lot of the hithertos, therefores, neverthelesses, and inbetweens of what happened, but finally somebody started the water running.
The staff finally seemed to realize I was in labor and this baby was coming sooner than later. "Can you get out of bed or do you need to stay here?" someone asked.
My response was something along the lines of, "I don't care if I am mid contraction - I can and will make it to that water."
Dave helped me get out of bed and into the tub - only my poor little feet ever felt that wet, sweet water. I started squatting to plop my big self in when I started to bear down.
"I need to push!" I panted.
Out the doorway I heard one of the nurses tell someone that I was going to have this baby soon and that they needed to get the on call doctor in there quickly. Mine was still out in the great abyss somewhere. My doula was also stuck in traffic.
Back to the bed I went. I continued on my current path of pain management. Thru the duration of my labor, Dave was doing counterpressure on my hips by squeezing them together. I would breath heavily, slowly, and deeply while he encouraged and coached me through each contraction, and this was all done while I would sit cross-legged and lean over, hanging my head down to my chest.
Just before 6:00 my doula and the on call doctor showed up. I was checked again and was just about a 9.
I started begging to push. The bearing down was getting intense and the on call doc wanted me to wait. "Just breathe through it," he would say. Obviously he has never had a baby with no meds. Nuff said. I personally don't have any stronger physical sensation than the need to push when my body is bearing down on a baby trying to get it out.
I wanted them to check me again. I wanted to push soooooo bad but they wanted me to wait till I was entirely complete.
"You still have a lip."
"Can I just push a little to help it out of the way?" I gasped.
"Well, I don't want to risk you tearing your cervix." (Again - previous labors. With Carson they told me to push to get rid of the lip...)
"I can't not push - this baby is coming!" It was no use. The on call doctor seemed like he had an agenda and wanted me to 'wait'. He wanted my doctor to get there. Why couldn't he just deliver me? Wasn't that his job??
At this point the nurses decided it was time to give me a hep-lock. I was instructed to hold still while they administered it. Perfect time to do this right? As opposed to when I first got there...
Not pushing when I wanted/needed to was new to me. In attempt to comply, I was now on my knees facing backward with my forehead resting on the back of the bed (which was upright). I looked like I was praying, and I kind of was. I was 'panting' like they were telling me to but couldn't help the strong pushing that was involuntarily happening.
After what felt like eternity I heard my doctors voice. "Don't push!" she told me in her sing-song little voice. She needed to get her gloves on. And then I heard those glorious words, "ok - you can push."
I flipped my big body over and with gusto shot that baby right out. "Stop pushing!" Seriously! Was this a joke!
"There is meconium!" wait until I tell you to push again.
His head was out but like Drake, he had pooped in utero. Not only that, but he had aspirated a bit of it and they had to clean him out. They did and all was well.
One more gentle push and it was all over.
They handed me a tiny, slimy, warm, beautiful, perfect baby boy. Having that little miracle placed on my chest is a feeling I will never forget.
All pain stopped and was immediately countered with double the love, joy, and relief.
Bowen Quincy Crockett was born at 6:15 pm July 29th 2013. He was 7 lbs 14 ounces and 20.5 inches long.

(The grandmas have wondered about the mark on this chest - it was just blood :)

A few more things I want to remember:
-If it wasn't for the on call doc who wouldn't let me push, my guess is I would have had him around 6:00 pm.
-Bowen was the exact same size as Brooks. Carson was only 1 ounce lighter, and 1/4 inch longer. I have had three babies that are the same size which leads me to my next thought...
-My mom and sister have a theory that my body "maxes out" at that size baby (Drake was 9 pounds and by far the exception). I wonder?
-With my 4th baby I have now had babies at 37, 38, 39, and 40 weeks. It makes me even more firm in my knowledge that I don't know anything about what my body is going to do. Each experience has been so different!
- I found out the following day that the reason they were so inattentive to me during labor was because a woman has showed up just a few minutes before us that had a 31 week demise. I felt very sorry for whomever this poor woman was but was frustrated that the staff was so distracted. I felt like that situation took precedent over mine.
-Even though my labor experience was not especially great, my time spent in the hospital with Bowen was sheer delight and the most enjoyment I have had with a small baby during my stay. We snuggled and slept together, he nursed like a champion, and the miracle of his life was just as deep and felt as any of the first three boys.
-I had two nurses in the maternity ward, one was pretty awful; the other was FABULOUS. I remembered her because she was my nurse with Brooks as well and I loved her then too.
-My older three boys have been so tender and sweet with Bowen and have been from the very beginning.
-The boys want me to have another baby already (ugh - a little too soon), and they ask often if I have a baby in my tummy.
- I said four things over and over again during labor :
1) I want to get in the water!
2) I need to push!
3) Its over! (what I said about a million times while the doctor was stitching me up)
- I guess I should mention that I tore.
4) Can I get this out now?? (This was regarding the hep lock they gave me at the worst time ever. They were trying to be fast and put in in my forearm along my radius and it hurt! I have had a lot of needle pokes/IVs/blood draws etc and this was the worst. As it turned out, it had clotted badly and was quite clogged. It was tender for a full week after.)
- This recovery has been my best. I have felt like a million bucks from the get-go.
- I always look hideous after labor. I don't mind one bit because I earned it! Here is another infamous, horrible, post labor pic.

 And a candid shot.

We are so happy to have Bowen in our family. He is so sweet and we all have very tender feelings for him. Ours is a wonderful life!