..."you know you can do this", Dave said to me. "Are you
really sure you want and epidural because its not what you
do." (Can I just say; this man knows me well).
"I don't want to do this; its just so...hard" I told him over and over again. This conversation lasted much longer than I anticipated thanks to being essentially ignored by the hospital staff. The longer the wait, the firmer my resolve to get an epidural. I was tired. I hurt. I knew I could push that baby out even with no feeling.
After what felt like an eternity someone showed up again. "Can I get in the water now?!" I asked again and was denied again - can't even remember why at this point.
"Well, can I get an epidural now?" I had figured they would jump all over that since that kinda seems to be the case with most labors anymore.
"Uh, I don't think you have time." The nurse said. "You have to get two bags of fluids, get a blood draw and get the lab results back which takes 20 minutes."
(Back to previous labors again - With Drake I got stuck at an 8 for two hours. I became exhausted and asked for an epidural. The doctor said ok and sent for the anesthesiologist who came into the room as I started to push. I didn't end up getting an epidural with Drake either, but I didn't get any fluids, nor did I have blood drawn. What is up with Colorado?? Utah and Idaho seemed to be a lot simpler.)
With her response I allowed my inner beast out of its cage - knowing it would take a little more grit to get through it all than I was currently displaying. Game on.
"I really want to get in the water," I begged again, "
please let me get in the water as soon as possible."
I have already forgotten a lot of the hithertos, therefores, neverthelesses, and inbetweens of what happened, but
finally somebody started the water running.
The staff finally seemed to realize I was in labor and this baby was coming sooner than later. "Can you get out of bed or do you need to stay here?" someone asked.
My response was something along the lines of, "I don't care if I am mid contraction - I can and will make it to that water."
Dave helped me get out of bed and into the tub - only my poor little feet ever felt that wet, sweet water. I started squatting to plop my big self in when I started to bear down.
"I need to push!" I panted.
Out the doorway I heard one of the nurses tell someone that I was going to have this baby soon and that they needed to get the on call doctor in there quickly. Mine was still out in the great abyss somewhere. My doula was also stuck in traffic.
Back to the bed I went. I continued on my current path of pain management. Thru the duration of my labor, Dave was doing counterpressure on my hips by squeezing them together. I would breath heavily, slowly, and deeply while he encouraged and coached me through each contraction, and this was all done while I would sit cross-legged and lean over, hanging my head down to my chest.
Just before 6:00 my doula and the on call doctor showed up. I was checked again and was just about a 9.
I started begging to push. The bearing down was getting intense and the on call doc wanted me to wait. "Just breathe through it," he would say. Obviously he has never had a baby with no meds. Nuff said. I personally don't have any stronger physical sensation than the need to push when my body is bearing down on a baby trying to get it out.
I wanted them to check me again. I wanted to push soooooo bad but they wanted me to wait till I was entirely complete.
"You still have a lip."
"Can I just push a little to help it out of the way?" I gasped.
"Well, I don't want to risk you tearing your cervix." (Again - previous labors. With Carson they
told me to push to get rid of the lip...)
"I can't
not push - this baby is coming!" It was no use. The on call doctor seemed like he had an agenda and wanted me to 'wait'. He wanted my doctor to get there. Why couldn't he just deliver me? Wasn't that his job??
At this point the nurses decided it was time to give me a hep-lock. I was instructed to hold still while they administered it. Perfect time to do this right? As opposed to when I first got there...
Not pushing when I wanted/needed to was new to me. In attempt to comply, I was now on my knees facing backward with my forehead resting on the back of the bed (which was upright). I looked like I was praying, and I kind of was. I was 'panting' like they were telling me to but couldn't help the strong pushing that was involuntarily happening.
After what felt like eternity I heard my doctors voice. "Don't push!" she told me in her sing-song little voice. She needed to get her gloves on. And then I heard those glorious words, "ok - you can push."
I flipped my big body over and with gusto shot that baby right out. "Stop pushing!" Seriously! Was this a joke!
"There is meconium!" wait until I tell you to push again.
His head was out but like Drake, he had pooped in utero. Not only that, but he had aspirated a bit of it and they had to clean him out. They did and all was well.
One more gentle push and it was all over.
They handed me a tiny, slimy, warm, beautiful, perfect baby boy. Having that little miracle placed on my chest is a feeling I will never forget.
All pain stopped and was immediately countered with double the love, joy, and relief.
Bowen Quincy Crockett was born at 6:15 pm July 29th 2013. He was 7 lbs 14 ounces and 20.5 inches long.
(The grandmas have wondered about the mark on this chest - it was just blood :)
A few more things I want to remember:
-If it wasn't for the on call doc who wouldn't let me push, my guess is I would have had him around 6:00 pm.
-Bowen was the
exact same size as Brooks. Carson was only 1 ounce lighter, and 1/4 inch longer. I have had three babies that are the same size which leads me to my next thought...
-My mom and sister have a theory that my body "maxes out" at that size baby (Drake was 9 pounds and by far the exception). I wonder?
-With my 4th baby I have now had babies at 37, 38, 39, and 40 weeks. It makes me even more firm in my knowledge that I don't know anything about what my body is going to do. Each experience has been so different!
- I found out the following day that the reason they were so inattentive to me during labor was because a woman has showed up just a few minutes before us that had a 31 week demise. I felt very sorry for whomever this poor woman was but was frustrated that the staff was so distracted. I felt like that situation took precedent over mine.
-Even though my labor experience was not especially great, my time spent in the hospital with Bowen was sheer delight and the most enjoyment I have had with a small baby during my stay. We snuggled and slept together, he nursed like a champion, and the miracle of his life was just as deep and felt as any of the first three boys.
-I had two nurses in the maternity ward, one was pretty awful; the other was FABULOUS. I remembered her because she was my nurse with Brooks as well and I loved her then too.
-My older three boys have been so tender and sweet with Bowen and have been from the very beginning.
-The boys want me to have another baby already (ugh - a little too soon), and they ask often if I have a baby in my tummy.
- I said four things over and over again during labor :
1) I want to get in the water!
2) I need to push!
3) Its over! (what I said about a million times while the doctor was stitching me up)
- I guess I should mention that I tore.
4) Can I get this out now?? (This was regarding the hep lock they gave me at the worst time ever. They were trying to be fast and put in in my forearm along my radius and it hurt! I have had
a lot of needle pokes/IVs/blood draws etc and this was the worst. As it turned out, it had clotted badly and was quite clogged. It was tender for a full week after.)
- This recovery has been my best. I have felt like a million bucks from the get-go.
- I always look hideous after labor. I don't mind one bit because I earned it! Here is another infamous, horrible, post labor pic.
And a candid shot.
We are so happy to have Bowen in our family. He is so sweet and we all have very tender feelings for him. Ours is a wonderful life!
