Because I want to remember how I felt

I read someone's blog recently that referred to journaling. It reminded me that I need to take the time to yet again put on paper (or a screen) what life feels like right now. Truth is, there aren't words for it, but I know on any given day I feel happy, tired, frustrated, motivated, excited, overwhelmed, and above all - love.
I get caught up in a whirlwind of emotions that come and go quickly. Right now for instance, I am laughing at the goofy sqwaks the baby is making and how much fun Carson is having playing cars, all the while battling the irritating fact that yet again Carson is bashing his cars together in a fierce way that will inevitably break them, even though I have asked him (many times) to stop. And now I smell poop.
*15 minutes later - I haven't yet changed the poopy diaper - Drake is not feeling well and I just spent the time snuggling him and stroking his soft hair and cheek. My heart is melted as he snuggles into my chest all the while worrying about what he might have; his breathing sounds funky.
I am overwhelmed because I haven't started dinner yet and its 4:46, but I haven't had a spare moment today and my body and soul ache for a moment to unwind, even for just 5 minutes. Nobody is fighting though; so really, all is well. Still smelling poop...
It's hard to not feel a little discouraged as I wake up to wild, angry screaming each morning. It's always something so important as who gets to turn the light switch on or off, or who makes it to the bottom step first. I want to be chipper, I want to be giddy, I wan to be spontaneous and fun. And mostly, I want my kids to know I love them.
This is hard. Really hard. But, it is truly my first choice. I realized the other day while making yet another peanut butter and jelly sandwich that I wouldn't trade my life for any other. A scene crossed my mind of a pristine home. Floors were mopped and vacuumed, it was quiet and calm, there was money in the bank, the yard was perfect and neat, I was hard-bodied and put together, and yet while this image seemed perfect and desirable, the only thing I could feel was intense sadness. I was lonely. My image was missing my sweet children and is was SO NOT worth it.
I realized in that moment, I would rather have non-stop fighting, and disobedience than not be graced and blessed with these strong and sweet spirits in my home. Any life with them is preferable to any life without Carson, Drake, and Brooks.
My heart is full. The hardest things yield the greatest rewards, and I feel a portion of that each and every day. I feel warmth. I feel peace. I feel happy. I want to soak this feeling up. Is there anything better? I would argue there is not.
Now to remedy that poopy smell...